Messengers of Gay Intimacy
Last night, our former paratrooper, secret service, body guard, private eye, twice-married father of six, tour guide cab driver who earlier had declared that negative attitudes about homosexuality would never change in Singapore, asked if he could take us to a gay bar in town after we had dinner together in Chinatown.
The bar, located on the third floor of a mall was called Cafe Romeo and to my eye was loaded with gorgeous, seductive, heterosexual hookers, one of whom seemed determined to make my acquaintance. We soon learned that rather than hookers, they were gay cross dressers and transsexuals from Thailand.
"They're very pretty," we explained to our driver as we headed back to the hotel, "but are there any bars in town where the gay men are dressed as men?"
"Oh," he exclaimed with delight. "Yes, yes, I know a place, but no one would know that they're gay!"
When we parted company, he looked at us long and hard, smiled broadly, and enthusiastically shook our hands. "Tell me your names again," he asked. We had made a new friend.
We had very similar experiences with our tour guides all year. The Peruvian guide explained that the porters liked us very much but wanted him to explain homosexuality. The Cambodian driver who told us there were no homosexuals in Cambodia declared when he learned that we were gay that he personally felt that gay people should be allowed to marry. The closeted Australian 26-year-old who quietly sat at our dinner table the night before my talk in Sydney to Merrill Lynch confided at the end of the meal, "I want what you and Ray have in your relationship," and then came out to a colleague at the end of my presentation the next day.
In the past 13 months, Ray and I have been fortunate enough to travel the globe and have gladly presented ourselves as a gay married couple to desk clerks, porters, housecleaners, meal servers, taxi drivers and tour guides, flight attendants, business people, U.S. Senators, shop keepers and all others in England, Portugal, Equador, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Charlestown, Venice, New Zealand, Australia, and Singapore. Before the end of the year, we may also be doing so in Japan and India.
It hasn't always felt safe celebrating our relationship with others, and it hasn't always been easy, but we have never shied away from affirming who and what we are, and the effect has been universally positive. Attitudes and behaviors have change in some people, others have felt permission to ask questions, to tell us about themselves or their gay friends, and all of them undoubtedly have relayed the close encounter with a gay couple from America to all of their family members.
So, stories about the very happy, funny, likeable and generous gay men who have been together for 32 years and who were married in Canada, are being repeated in some of the poorest and most remote parts of the world. The probable impact is that more than a few gay children in those homes or neighborhoods are now aware that they are not alone and that there is hope that one day they too might find love with a same sex person. It's also likely that the Peruvian porter who is explaining to his wife where he got the brand new sleeping bag will react less fearfully if he discovers that his son or daughter is gay.
There is a seismic global cultural climate change on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues. You can see it and feel it even in countries such as Singapore that prohibit homosexual sex. The marketplace is making such rapid change possible, but it is the coming out process that is ensuring that attitudes and behaviors toward gay people improve.
All gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are messengers of same sex intimacy. We all put faces on the issue for others. If we hide who we are, the face is one of shame. If we gently but firmly celebrate who we are, the face is one of dignified love.
When Ray and I got back to our hotel tonight after a celebratory dinner with my Merrill Lynch hosts during which we toasted the success of my presentations on gay issues, the concierge informed us that a package had been dropped off for us. It was a gift from our former secret service cab driver. There was no note inside, just the address on the outside to "Mr. McNaught and Buddy."
The bar, located on the third floor of a mall was called Cafe Romeo and to my eye was loaded with gorgeous, seductive, heterosexual hookers, one of whom seemed determined to make my acquaintance. We soon learned that rather than hookers, they were gay cross dressers and transsexuals from Thailand.
"They're very pretty," we explained to our driver as we headed back to the hotel, "but are there any bars in town where the gay men are dressed as men?"
"Oh," he exclaimed with delight. "Yes, yes, I know a place, but no one would know that they're gay!"
When we parted company, he looked at us long and hard, smiled broadly, and enthusiastically shook our hands. "Tell me your names again," he asked. We had made a new friend.
We had very similar experiences with our tour guides all year. The Peruvian guide explained that the porters liked us very much but wanted him to explain homosexuality. The Cambodian driver who told us there were no homosexuals in Cambodia declared when he learned that we were gay that he personally felt that gay people should be allowed to marry. The closeted Australian 26-year-old who quietly sat at our dinner table the night before my talk in Sydney to Merrill Lynch confided at the end of the meal, "I want what you and Ray have in your relationship," and then came out to a colleague at the end of my presentation the next day.
In the past 13 months, Ray and I have been fortunate enough to travel the globe and have gladly presented ourselves as a gay married couple to desk clerks, porters, housecleaners, meal servers, taxi drivers and tour guides, flight attendants, business people, U.S. Senators, shop keepers and all others in England, Portugal, Equador, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Charlestown, Venice, New Zealand, Australia, and Singapore. Before the end of the year, we may also be doing so in Japan and India.
It hasn't always felt safe celebrating our relationship with others, and it hasn't always been easy, but we have never shied away from affirming who and what we are, and the effect has been universally positive. Attitudes and behaviors have change in some people, others have felt permission to ask questions, to tell us about themselves or their gay friends, and all of them undoubtedly have relayed the close encounter with a gay couple from America to all of their family members.
So, stories about the very happy, funny, likeable and generous gay men who have been together for 32 years and who were married in Canada, are being repeated in some of the poorest and most remote parts of the world. The probable impact is that more than a few gay children in those homes or neighborhoods are now aware that they are not alone and that there is hope that one day they too might find love with a same sex person. It's also likely that the Peruvian porter who is explaining to his wife where he got the brand new sleeping bag will react less fearfully if he discovers that his son or daughter is gay.
There is a seismic global cultural climate change on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues. You can see it and feel it even in countries such as Singapore that prohibit homosexual sex. The marketplace is making such rapid change possible, but it is the coming out process that is ensuring that attitudes and behaviors toward gay people improve.
All gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are messengers of same sex intimacy. We all put faces on the issue for others. If we hide who we are, the face is one of shame. If we gently but firmly celebrate who we are, the face is one of dignified love.
When Ray and I got back to our hotel tonight after a celebratory dinner with my Merrill Lynch hosts during which we toasted the success of my presentations on gay issues, the concierge informed us that a package had been dropped off for us. It was a gift from our former secret service cab driver. There was no note inside, just the address on the outside to "Mr. McNaught and Buddy."
